Giving Up

So yeah, it's been awhile, yet again. My excuse? None. Angry, bored, apathetic. I'm done here at my job. I have no responsibilities now. I am the office maid. I refused to go to the birthday celebration for September today because I knew they would all sit there waiting for me to serve them. Would they be surprised that all I really want to do is shove the cake in their faces? I ordered said cake to be delivered on Friday. Today is Monday and I discover they didn't bother to serve it. Do you know why? I wasn't here to cut it up for them! I fucking kid you not. My boss knows how I feel - he looked at me today and said so what are you going to do. I said I'm not going in there, if they sit long enough one of them will get up and do it. He says so I guess I'm doing it then. I said if you wish. His response: don't order any more birthday cakes. I said PERFECT, thinking in my head of course it's perfect because mine would be next for October anyway. I didn't get a cake last year either. There's something inherently wrong with ordering your own cake, going to pick it up, and then cutting it and serving it to ungrateful assholes.

I have applied to a job today. I don't know if they will respond, but at least it is nearby and has the title I currently hold. I wonder if they would like it if I used my brain. I do really enjoy that, you know. Too bad this place won't let me. I am staying entirely away from everyone, to as much extent as I can. I am sure by now it is well known that I hate everyone. Probably about as much as they hate me. This is how I know I can not continue here, much as I would have liked to stay here forever until the end of my career, I know I can not feel this bad every day and be ok with that. Money is not the issue for me anymore. Vacation is not the issue. Of course I have to find a job that I can continue to pay my necessities, I'm not stupid, but it is now decided that I will move on. No more waffling about the idea. I am looking hardcore. I know it may take awhile, but I am committed to my search and will keep looking until I find my calling.

I wish someone needed an Executive Assistant at like a pet store or something so I could play with the animals. Except for the cats... damn those allergies! Here's to dreaming anyway...

Moving On

So I had my meeting with HR and it was exactly like I thought - didn't want to hear anything I felt or thought (in fact told me my "feelings" were wrong!) so I never mentioned a word about mobbing or anything. It was very clear to me that they wanted to conversation to lean towards the PHB being a bad leader. This pissed me off, yes he may need some additional skills, but pointing the finger at him for all of these office problems doesn't seem exactly fair either. And now they want to call me a Corporate Adminitrator. WTF? I don't do ANY corporate work whatsoever, but oh well. I get the same paycheck and do the same job. I asked my boss what he wanted to call me, and he said "Bitch?" HA HA... he's funny. I said HEY at least other people say it behind my back buddy. We had a good laugh. I warned him of the unfair treatment he was about to get. Or should I say "we" were about to get. I wouldn't work for someone for almost 10 years if I didn't like them and have a certain amount of loyalty. So this is how it goes and as usual, there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change this atmosphere. It will be fun to watch the HR lady struggle to make any changes tho. At the very least, watching her fall on her face would be amusing. Cuz I AM a bitch, after all. Hee hee!

What To Call It

I did some research yesterday at work and was trying to figure out exactly how work was making me feel and I was really surprised to find out that it's a form of bullying. When people do what they can to undermine you, take credit for what you do and it's constant and consistent. Also when they get other people to take it on with them to form a group of bullies. There was a word for this too, it's called mobbing. I really didn't know this is what it was called and I'm so surprised, but everything in the article sounded like they were talking about me and my work day. Amazing. I copied it all and when HR speaks to me, I will be bringing this up. I'll get more detailed on this later.... Who out there feels bullied by co-workers? I'll put some definitions up to clarify later on tonight. You would be amazed!

Serenity Now!

You know, I'm really getting kind of bitter about this. When my nemesis left this office, my days were supposed to be getting better. Much much better. Joy and happiness abound. I had images of skipping down the hallways and breaking out into spontanious song and dance. You know, like Grease. Or maybe something like 9 to 5 with a Dolly Parton special guest appearance.

So, well, this has not happened and my dreams are shattered. HR is once again trying to re-write my job description (probably based on feedback from Esmerelda's exit interview - thanks you b!tch) and I have no idea what's going to happen. More and more this company is taking me out of an administrative equation and pushing me to do crap like be a facility manager or sattelite tech support (our IT service is located in another state, hundreds of miles away). I'm tired of hooking up computers and resolving telephone issues. My skills are going to waste! I should be the head of an administrative staff by now. And I was, until yet another outsider (from another country!) determined I shouldn't be. Never mind that it worked for this office, more politic reared their ugly head and once again it is me who gets screwed. I have tried not to turn all passive aggressive and only do what my job description says. What can I do? I'm the kind of person who loves to give 110% to my job, but lately, after all the ill treatment, I kind of feel like they should be so lucky to get even 50% of my efforts. It is so hard to be somewhere where the underachievers get acknowledged and I get shafted. Perhaps it's time to once again consider a move. Which I would hate because I would lose my lovely 4 weeks of vacation. I'm so torn. This Love/Hate work relationship is going to be the end of me someday.

It's A Mystery to Me

When I was little I would ask my step-father tons of questions: why, where, when, how... etc. Whenever he got tired of answering he would ask me back if I was writing a novel. I would always say no until I thought I was smarter than he was and one day I said yes, I am writing a novel! Ever so proudly I lifted my chin as if to say, so there! And his response: make this one a mystery. Oh my deflated ego. LOL!

Today I suffer from every day mysteries. Such as, why do I have to struggle to take work AWAY from people? I mean, do I really have to beg you to give me back a job I delegated to you in the first place such as ordering office supplies or coffee? Hmmm, that's weird. Or other mysteries such as why people who work in an office have an expectation of not being supervised in some way. Hmmm... weirder still. I have no clue what's going on in my office once again, but people are so darn unhappy and I have no idea why. They want to complain about my boss (who is so laid back, he likes to treat people like adults, even tho they behave like children. Sound like a problem man to you?) and then they like to complain about me, who does work for my boss and is privy to confidential information. They complain about that. Even though I don't discuss things like that because I am a professional after all. Whiners. I lose respect for people in my office every day, yet I pretend I like them all and go out of my way to help them if they need it. Kinda makes me want to let them fend for themselves, but that wouldn't be "politically correct". Whatever!

Tail Wagging the Dog

So yes, I did have a great day yesterday. Even finding out what I'm about to say, I still had a really good day knowing that the person who gives me the most greif is now gone. She leaves earthquakes as she goes, however. I had a meeting yesterday with HR, PHB and a couple others to determine how to fill a vacant admin position and we find out that Esmerelda told the Esther that she can have her job (and trained her to do so) and apparently no one else in the office ever did! Seriously! Not either of their bosses, not my boss, not HR... I'm sitting there listening to this (and to them whine that they shouldn't have to pay attention to administrative matters) and I don't feel one bit sorry for them. They did it to themselves, letting these girls run the show like this. If they really wanted it handled, they should put me back in full charge and authority of it all. I would have never allowed that to happen. Then to top it off, Esther told her old-boss-that-didn't-let-his-admin-go that she was done working for him and that was that! We went to her yesterday to tell her she still needed to help, and gave her a list. I know she didn't want to, but with the rest of us picking up the majority of her old job, she really had no choice. My boss says he will "speak" to her about all of this, but I don't see anything being any different. I sit back and wonder where the balls of all these men are and continue to look under the table for them.

One More Thing...

Another reason to vote Democrat this year:

A Brand New Day

I am actually glad to go to work today. It's true! Today is the first day of the rest of my happy work life. I keep singing "ding dong the bitch is gone" in my head and I smile and flit about my house getting ready just like Cinderella with her mice buddies. (I know it's a different fairy tale than Oz, but work with me here.) I figure if anything goes wrong today, it must be my own fault.

The only gray area is in the news today. I hear California is once again trying to ban same sex marriages. You know, I can't really imagine standing up in front of a ton of people to try to destroy other people's ability to be happy and married. Fucking republicans. I seriously hope all of you out there are voting democrat this year in order to end this war and hate mongering people of the world from being in leadership positions. Go Obama!

That's all I can say this morning. Off to get my coffee and hummingly get ready for work.

3 Days Before the Best Day of My Life

Yes, Esmerelda that wicked witch, is finally gone on Friday. We have mostly "made up" with each other. Meaning I just ignore her outburts and do internal chants: "four more days... three more days" etc. I'm being so nice to her face I feel like to world's largest hypocrite. I wonder if I will be able to squeeze out some tears to say goodbye on Friday. I'm not so sure. I pulled together a lunch on Monday for just her lady friends and now today we will have an all staff lunch. Of course everyone has an individual order that I have to sort out. What a pain. Oh and to top it off, the other admin comes over and says "did you order a cake". I'm like wtf do we need a cake for? It's not her birthday. (more internal mumblings here.) As if no matter what I will do I am sure it won't be good enough for that admin anyway since they are such best friends. I feel like saying have cake on your own damn time, but you know I went all the way downtown to get a fucking cake so no one can say that I didn't do my utmost.

Anyway, at least the end is near. After this, I only have one office bitch to deal with and she's not in my every day life, just a thorn in my side occassionally. This, I can deal with. Now I know things can only get better.

Accomplished & Broke

Ok, it's Monday, I have gotten up and showered and what do I discover? Yes, while planting in the garden this weekend I have been totally chewed to peices. Bitten by black flies and other bugs all over. I am so itchy, it's crazy. I am putting benadryl cream on as we speak. Let's hope it works.

Ok, now I need some feedback. I am a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. She chose her matron of honor as a person I don't know, but they went to college together and she lives very far away from us. I thought we were going to be friends, but now I am pretty sure I can't stand her. Here is the story: Bride asked me to help her mom, so I got in touch and went to Mom's house to offer my slave labor services. Turns out, mom told me I had to throw the bridal shower. Took me completely off guard, and I was like 'oh I thought I was here to help you' and she says no, this is your responsibility. So I say well ok, let's talk about it. I agree to some things and she gives me MOH's phone number and says call her to work it out. I say ok and we talk a few times. MOH is pissed at mom. She says it is brides mom to pay for the party and not us. However, I finally get her to agree it is our thing to do and we agree that I will do the entire party and split the bill. Her part came to $80. That's it. I totally went out of my way, made invitations, made a wish box, made all the food (except the cake and two dishes each mom made) so I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. Well that was back in mid-May and this bitch still has not paid me. As a matter of fact, she flat out refuses and says it's not her problem, she shouldn't be expected to pay for a party she didn't attend. I am completely flabborgasted. So now I need to know what YOU think. Is it the MOH's responsibility? Is it the mom's? Is it mine? All I know is that she is coming closer to the wedding and I have decided to not help her pay for the bachelorette party. I will pay for my drinks and drinks of the bride, but I will not pay for the transportation or any other entertainment. Oh, we are taking a boat ride, so I will pay for my own ticket, which is $20. I haven't told the MOH this yet, but I would think she probably realizes that's my plan. So anyway, I want to hear from you guys, tell me what traditions are, please. I don't know how to handle this situation.

Zen Moments

I am currently preparing for my zen moment this weekend. I have gone to the garden center and bought myself a bunch of lovely flowers and border green stuff to plant this weekend and I can't wait. It will probably rain and I don't even care. I haven't had any chance to garden this year yet and I am missing it so much that I am going to go hog wild tomorrow. I will be digging in the dirt and lovin it! If I am lucky I can pry my teenage son away from the video games long enough to help out. That could be just a pipe dream though. Anyways, just thinking about it now is making me smile so I hope you have a good weekend, too.

Ragin, Part Deuce

Ok so maybe I overreacted. I was all ready for my boss to let me down, and actually he didn't. At least not so far. All I know is said email was gone from his inbox this afternoon and nary a word was said to me. So maybe he actually stood up for me and told them to lump it. Wow. I almost feel good thinking that's what he did. I'm so hormonal. LOL!

Ragin...

I am pretty sure you should never blog when you're angry, but I don't know where to turn and I am furious, yet again. I just found out that there are a few people in the office who are actually trying to take a portion of my job responsibility away. I know exactly why, too. It's because I "caught" them doing something wrong and corrected them, so now they are trying to say it's a confidential matter and I should be saying anything. Oh and yes, I found out this was all behind my back, they sent an email to my boss with a new proposed procedure that completely leaves me out of it. I'll be seeing this afternoon how he responds to this crap. Honestly, if he sides with them, I'll be looking for a new job again. I'm so tired of my responsibilities being stripped from me, not because I do it wrong, but simply because other people don't like me. And yes, that is what it boils down to. F them. That's what I say.

Updates to May

I know it's been a real long time since I wrote last. So many things have happened, I am not sure where to begin.

I guess I should start off with the most happy news of all - Esmerelda is leaving! Ding Dong the witch is (almost) gone! WaaaHOOOOO! We have had nothing but strife between us, and even most recently I discussed her terrible behavior with folks above me, and then when she got evaluted during our yearly review, he refused to acknowledge it was a problem and made it sound like it was all about me! I can't even tell you how pissed off that made me, and she got it in her head I was trying to 'stab her in the back'. How ridiculous. Yeah, that's my agenda all right, I just so love to stab people in the back. It makes my work day so enjoyable. NOT! I gave that a month before I spoke to her about it, she was so pissed (rightly so, her boss should have told her upfront about her issues that needed to be fixed instead of sweeping it under the carpet). Then I simply said, yes I discussed you, yes it's my right to do so, and yes, your boss did know and how unfortunate he didn't discuss it with you. She asked if she could trust me and I said about what? Frankly if I witness something that needs to be brought to the attention of upper management, then that's what I will do, as is my job to do so. She said, are we friends. I said we are co-workers who need to cooperate with each other, I don't need to know anything personal if that is your wish. I'm not so sure she really got it, but in any event, it is almost over. June 13th will be the best day ever! I can not wait. My eyes will be totally dry for the main event and I'm sure I will celebrate my ass off that weekend.

Next, I don't know about you guys, but I am still waiting for my stimulus check. Apparently since I did my taxes online at turbotax, I have to wait for a paper check. What a pain, I am bummed. Once I get it the money, though, it's not like I can spend it on anything fun. I just bought a car (from PHB, no less!) and now I owe him car payments - with interest. I have every intention of just handing that money over to him to get this paid off ASAP. It's great to have a new car, and one that I definitely wanted, but it is uncomfortable owing my boss money.

Other updates: still with my main man, 2 1/2 years now, we are thinking of moving in together. Hopefully my son will adapt, but right now he's not too happy about it. Too used to having mom to himself his whole life, but people do this every day and I know once he gets settled in, things will fall into place. Change is always hard. Heck, sometimes I still wonder if it's a good idea, I am so used to living on my own and taking care of myself. But yeah, this guy is "the one" and I'm ready to try doing what adults do.

Ok, that's all I have in my head right now. I will try to keep this up, I just got a little paranoid for a while, wondering if my company was turning all big brother on me and watching my every move. I suppose it is possible. I don't have any names on this however, so I think I'm pretty good and not really doing anything too wrong, other than voicing my own opinion.

Take care, talk soon :)

Happy New Year

I don't know about you, but I can't beleive 2008 is upon us! I had a fabulous vacation - two weeks and a couple days and was back to work last Thursday, whereupon I immediately developed migraines. What does that say to you? I am such a slave to my paycheck and I'm trying not to be bummed being back to work, but the shit already started flying as soon as I got back, leaving my head pounding and medication bound both Thursday AND Friday nights. How dare work invade my Friday night!

With the new year here, I more than ever realize that I no longer work with people who I consider to be my friends. When I first started with this company, I really did feel happy to come to work every day, working with people I liked and who liked me, and now it's just dreadful. It's no wonder I've developed hard core migraines. I sit at my desk and do my job and I do not go to the other admins to chat at all. If they want to see me, they come to my desk. I will do my best to not offer to help anyone because this is the story of my first day back to work:

As previously stated, Barney had given his notice. He has two gals that work under him and one of those gals said to me that she really wanted Barney's job and that she felt she was qualified. I generally like this lady, so I gave her advise and told her that she should sit with her new supervisor and set up a job progression plan. That person will need to tell her what skills she needs to acquire to get that job, whether it be an online course, a seminar or further education and/or degrees, etc. Well apparently Barney had to give her a final review before he left the business for good and he went to my PHB and told him that SHE told Barney that I told her that PHB would never promote her. Which, of course, I never said and would never say to someone. PHB called me into his office to casually ask me if I had said that, but also let me know that she had told Barney that in confidence and not only was PHB not supposed to know, but I wasn't supposed to know either and couldn't confront either one of those people about it. Now this really pisses me off. Either she totally backstabbed and lied her ass off about me, or Barney did, just to fuck me a little as he went out the door. Either way, I can't even ask and man oh man I am just so sick and tired of people saying crap about me that I got my first migraine that night and had to go home and take a pill. I wish I could be one of those people who generally doesn't care - and I do try, I really do - but it's so hard to be in an office knowing that at any given moment someone is talking about you, or lying about something you said, and you have no power whatsoever to defend yourself or set things right.

So now my New Years Resolution is to remind myself repeatedly that no one here is my friend, even if they are nice to me for a moment in time. The moment never lasts. I put a picture on my desk of my real friends and it helps sometimes, but my very best friend lives so far away now. I need a girlfriend really bad. I have a couple girls that are friends, but really it's not the same connection as my very best friend who I miss terribly. I am making plans to visit her soon and it will be like refilling an empty well. I need some freakin girl love dammit! LOL! Anyway, you know what I mean. There's nothing in the world like a really good girlfriend, even if you do have a fabulous boyfriend or husband.

Ok that's enough babbling for the first blog of New Years. I hope everyone had a fabulous time (which I did, don't get me wrong, it's just the office that sucks, not my life!).

Best wishes!

I'm So Very Happy!

I know, it's rare that I can say I am so very happy here at work, but I finally got the good news - I'm getting a salary increase! This is exciting because it is for my role as office manager and I think I'm getting almost 5% increase, which is before our regular merit raise increase that happens in May, of which I will get my usual 3% no matter what kind of job I do. So yeah, I'm totally excited and finally feel like my hard work hasn't gone unnoticed by the PHB.

This also means that when I get back from vacation, I can whip those AA bitches into shape! No more wondering whether I can tell them to back off my turf or not, it will be made clear to them in a meeting. Then going forward, I (hopefully) will feel freer to speak my mind. I always hesitated due to the fact that I'm not their supervisor and, hell, if someone told me something and they weren't my supervisor I'd most likely tell them to take a giant leap off a short cliff. Or just ignore them completely. Which is what they do to me now. And I can't really blame them. However, that isn't going to fly anymore. Do I sound power hungry? Oh well, I can live with that! HA HA HA

Yippeeeeeeee!

P/A's on the Take

I haven't blogged lately, trying to get ready for the 2 week vacation coming up at the end of December and dealing with the usual office crapola. Here's the latest news:

1. Barney gave his notice. Of course he decided the best way to do so was to yell and scream at our PHB. I don't know about you, but no matter what, I don't yell at the office. I'd like to think I have enough self-control. Besides I save the screaming for home. How else is my 14 year old going to understand? Ha ha... Anyway, he's gone the beginning of January. I wonder how much damage he'll do on his way out.

2. We have some passive aggression going on. Say what? you may ask. No way. Well it's true. I sent out message to the staff asking who wanted to participate in the Secret Santa. 8 out of 23 people responded with a yes, 2 of those people suggested the Yankee Swap and I also got 3 I don't care's. So therefore I am led to beleive people don't want to do this event. So another gal in the office decides to send out her own message and changed it to Yankee Swap (really, as if this is a big difference, I have done this for over 8 years now and sometimes it's a Yankee Swap and other times it's a Secret Santa, but you always know it's the same basic theme). I guess she didn't beleive no one responded to me so now my boss got mad and asked her into his office after she sent an all staff message inviting them to her Yankee Swap. Instead of listening to him, she also yelled and screamed and stormed out of his office. He is, after all, the boss of this office, why wouldn't you ASK his permission to have a party first? I don't really understand these people, but all I know is that I am not going to her little PA party. Neither is my boss. HA HA! That freakin little bitch new exactly what she was doing and for her to say "But it's a Yankee Swap, not a Secret Santa" is complete bullshit. Also keep in mind she is one of the people who never bothered to respond to me at all, either a yes or no, or a suggestion of Yankee Swap vs. Secret Santa. What a bitch.

In any event, I can't wait for my vacation. I need a break from these whacked out people. I'll be locking all my cabinets and drawers and turning off my cell phone too. Oh the joy of it all. He he he.... Actually, I'll just make sure my boss has the number where I'll be. That way they have to go to him to get to me. I like that idea.

I hope I can blog again soon..... but it's a busy week, so keep all expectations down. Way down. That's where I like 'em! :)

So Many Choices... Just Pick One!

So I made it through Thanksgiving. Feeling a fat these days, but I just bought some new bras, so at least my breasts are perky, even if the buttons on my pants no longer latch.

As usual, the staff here (who are the most ungrateful group of people I have ever met) are bent on complaining and whining. Last year I organized a Thanksgiving potluck. I don't know too many companies who even acknowledge Thanksgiving in the office, other than to give you 2 days off to eat and then recover. But I try to make this a happy place, so we did the potluck and this year I just didn't have time (or the will power if you must know). So my boss told everyone, we're still open to the potluck idea, and if anyone wants to organize it, please feel free. Do you think anyone did? Not one single person stepped up to the plate. I'm not sure they should anyway, last time they were in charge of organizing the Halloween party and they left pumpkins rotting in the conference room for over a week. Again, I refused to pick them up, I was supposed to be free and clear from having to do anything for that event either. I'm not the fucking wedding planner here ya know. LOL!

So now onto the Christmas holiday. I've arranged for a very nice dinner after work for all the staff to enjoy, drinks and stuff included. Since I only have a budget of $50 per person, I really couldn't do that much, and spouses, partners, boyfriends/girlfriends are not invited this year due to budget cuts (but hey, last year I allowed someone else to arrange it and we ended up having pizza and went bowling. Yes bowling. For Christmas. I can't allow THAT to happen again.) We usually do a Secret Santa too, so to continue with trying to do what the staff wants, I sent out an email telling them to vote if they wanted Secret Santa or not. You will never beleive the response, but a few people actually suggested potluck ! I kid you not! Of course there are always the people who don't choose one of my suggestions and throw out one of their own. One thing I refuse - and I mean I REFUSE - to do is Yankee Swap. For those that don't know, Secret Santa is when you buy a gift for a designated person (usually limiting the amount of money to spend) and they open it knowing it is for them and only them. Yankee swap is when you buy a random gift for anyone and once you open a gift, other people can "steal" it from you. Basically the last person to open the gift is the one who gets the best present by taking from other people.

So yeah, I don't think it would be a particularly good idea to take things from people in this office, especially with their attitudes the way it is. Can you imagine a Senior Management person taking a Yankee Swap gift from a lower paid employee? What a nightmare, I'm sure the gossip would flow freely after that.

Basically, what I'm saying is Yankee Swap wasn't a freakin choice, so don't tell me that you pick it. Idiots.

By the way, a secretary in one of our other offices just won $20 Million Dollars in the lottery. She left work at 10AM and no one has seen her since. That lucky bitch. I'm so jealous.

Esther and Esmerelda are back from their romantic getaway. Miserable as usual. I hope I pick one of them for Secret Santa and I will go buy one of those fake plastic poopies that look real. I would so love that. Of course I won't, but it's fun to dream.

A Bloody Confrontation

Ok, ladies out there, I need your support. This is the most ridiculous thing, but anyway, here goes...

We have a cleaning service that the landlord of our building has arranged to clean our main working areas, and their own maintenance guy is to clean the bathrooms and kitchen. This is a relatively new arrangement, and so far, at least for me, it's not working out too well. First off, the maintenance guy is not a professional cleaning service and has no clue how or what is required to clean a ladies bathroom. He was also on vacation last week, which meant they didn't get cleaned at all. When he returned, I asked him to make sure they were cleaned and he said he did, but I when I went back in, there was the same gross crusty pee stain on the front of the bowl. How a woman can miss the toilet is beyond me, but anyway... the job wasn't done. The worst part was the bins on the back of the seats where ladies put their used "unmentionables" was packed full, so he was obviously unaware that those needed to be emptied as well. In any case, I'm certainly not about to have to explain to some guy (who doesn't speak english either, so I end up yelling "tampon bin! tampon bin1") how to clean a ladies room.

To fix this, I called the landlord back and requested the professional service be reinstated and assured them that it was nothing the maintenance guy did wrong, per se, just that I was too embarassed to have to explain to him every aspect of what to do and would appreciate a professional doing it again. She understood completely. An hour later the maintenance guy is at my desk and he is all confrontational with me. "Why did you call landlord, you tell me" he says in his hard to understand accent. I was like oh man, dude, do I really have to explain and heave a big sigh. Seriously, he doesn't get paid extra to do it so you tell me why he wants to have the job of cleaning the bathrooms so bad. Seriously. Can you guess? My mind is always in the gutter, so you know where it's headed... gross! Anywayyyyyy back on track with my story. He insists that he needs to do it and I finally say that we need to do a checklist so that he knows what to do.

So how did that happen? WTF? Now I have to do a checklist on how to clean a womens bathroom. Crap. How the hell did THAT happen?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Gossip Mill

I've been arranging for the entire staff to take an offsite trip (across the Canadian border even) and I have everything all finalized. Of course, there is always the occasional whine (do I have to sit near so-and-so?, etc.). So I had arranged for a couple of minivans, set up the drivers and gave them lists of who sits in what vehicle (so no one gets left behind). One guy here (I'll call him Barney cuz he's cute for awhile then he annoys you, then you want to kill him) had already arranged to drive his own vehicle. That's fine, he just won't get reimbursed for mileage or gas, that's the deal. He goes into my PHB's office to say "rumor is that there is a problem with me driving" to which my boss said "you worked it out with my Secretary, right? Then no problem." When I go into my boss' office next he says to me "Did you give Barney a hard time about driving" to which I say "of course not, he already arranged that with me like a good boy, we're all square." PHB says Barney was just here asking. Which fired me up immediately. You and I both know it's those damn bitches starting rumors about me again. So I march my tight fanny on down the hall to Barney's office and I step in and say "Hey Barn, just wanted you to know that PHB asked me about the car situation, and as far as I'm concerned, you already arranged it with me and there is absolutely no problem, contrary to what you may have heard." Barney says, "well yeah I did hear something." And I say, "you gotta take that crap with a grain of salt, between me and you, I very rarely give a shit about anything here, so if you ever hear that I do, you can call that person a big fat liar." I smile sweetly and waltz away.

Gossipers get fucked. I'm onto you.

Just Call me Fred.

Sometimes I have these visions and I don't know if I should be scared or amused, but mostly, right now, I'm amused. These visions are quite bloody and involve me slicing and dicing various female co-workers. It's quite Freddy Kruegger (sp?) of me, really. I'd love to have the long fingernail blades. That way, when they piss me off all I have to do is flick a finger in their general direction. Blood spurts, and I am satisfied and happy. Is this wrong? I don't care. I am sitting here flicking my middle finger and it feels so right.

Here's the current scenario: yesterday a new guy was out, it was his birthday and he turned 50. I guess it's a big deal. Personally, I wouldn't want attention drawn to the fact that I'm a half century old, but that's just me. Anyway, Esther and Esmerelda have taken it upon themselves to decorate his office with numerous black balloons - you can't even walk in there without kicking one, plus they went to the store together and Esther bought (and stubbornly refuses to be reimbursed for) a helium tank, which they spent sucking in and singing various musicals to while they worked. And yes, this was funny and I was amused. Other people walked by, like I did to stop and laugh a moment before going back to work. I only mention this so you don't think I'm just being a scrooge when I tell you this next part and the part that makes me want to start slicing like a cuisinart.

This morning as soon as this guy walks in and he's all like whoa and laughing, they both run in immediately to make sure that credit goes where credit is due. I hear them going on and on telling the story of how much fun they had blowing up balloons and who stopped by to help blow some up (of course the short list did not include my name) so that he could know exactly who did what. God they make me sick. Seriously. Isn't the whole part of doing a good deed is to just let that person enjoy it? Must that person really be subjected to all the trials and tribulations you had while preparing such a great event in their honor? To me, it rings of someone buying you jewelry and then telling you how much it cost. Tacky tacky tacky.

Oh and by the way, we celebrate birthdays by the month and November happens to have 5 people in it. I always order a cake and the whole staff takes 20-30 minutes to celebrate the month. Do you think these bitches even once thought about how their grandiose celebration for one person would make the others feel whose birthdays also fell in that month???

I hate them. I truly do.

I think I'm a fairly observant person. I'm aware of my surroundings, of people around me. Sometimes it astonishes me how oblivious people can be. This weekend I drastically changed my haircolor. You can't miss it. I was blond and now I'm auburn. Esmerelda just walked by me, looked me in the eye and didn't even notice. Hmmmm.... I suppose there is the possibility that I look like shit and she's afraid to say anything at all, but in all honesty, I'm damn good lookin, so I don't see this happening. HA! *smirk* Oh, and by the way, 3 men noticed already. Yes, men. You heard me. So ahhhhh.... hmmmm.

It's 15 minutes later and she came up to me all smiles, wanting to see and "ohhh it looks so good". Am I buying this shit? I have such a bad attitude and I am so cynical here at work. Which is pretty funny because my personal life I'm pretty laid back and I don't let too much upset me. I even generally give people the benefit of the doubt that they are being real with me. But not at work. No way. Oh the games people play. Later I will move stuff around just to make them all a-twitter. Hee hee.

The Beckoning

One of my very many pet peeves is with this one guy here (we'll call him Forest Gump cuz he stutters like him) who always beckons people via email. You can be sitting at your desk all day long and only 15 feet away from his doorway and instead of getting up to speak to you he will send you an email that says "come see me". What? Come see you? Fuck you. I am so NOT coming to see you. Ok, well usually I do, but I make him wait hours. This time I didn't go see him at all, and he came to my desk this morning to say "can you come see me" and I said "I see you right now". (God I am such a smart ass I will get fired for that alone some day.) He explains to me how he is troubled by the badges and thinks they won't work in our other facilities. I say of course it won't work, it's just a freakin photo ID with your employee number on it. I said it won't even get you in a movie theater much less a high security facility. Damn idiot. He talks at me for awhile not realizing that I am an intelligent human being and already did all of research and talked to the appropriate people. Yeah cuz after working with me for 9 years he knows I'm half-assed like that (me being sarcastic). He finally leaves, satisfied with my responses. I wonder sometimes how I maintain the strength and dignity to not just grab someone by the cuff and say listen you mother fucker, just do what I tell you and stop giving me lip. I have dreams of doing that.

In any case, the other admins hate to be beckoned as well. We talk about it all the time. This morning, Esmerelda sends me a beckoning email: "come see me about the keys". I'm like WHATTTT? I go to her desk and say "Yes Forest". She's all like huh, what do you mean? As if. She knew exactly what she did. Yet she looks at me like I'm the crazy one. Well I am crazy just look into my eyes. I'll show them all crazy (insert evil laugh here).

It's Business Time

I can't view these at work, but I wanted to post it on my blog anyway, mostly because it's so damn funny. I hope you enjoy:

Office Turkeys

I've just discovered that Esmerelda and Esther are taking a week vacation together over the Thanksgiving holiday. They've disguised their lesbian love getaway by saying their husbands are coming along, but I'm starting to see the light. I'm only sad that they're not hot lesbians. At least I could get in some good fantasy time while I daydream. Instead my mind rebels when I think of the crotchety cranky Esmerelda screaming that she's cumming while wrinkly old Esther shoves various vegetables (grown from her very own garden of course) up Esmerelda's vajayjay. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

It's very funny to think they are keeping secrets from me. They haven't realized that I know all, I see all and not alot escapes my attention. They did this last year too, and when they realized that I knew they spent at least an hour apologizing to me for not telling me (as if I really cared). I know Esther doesn't like me - she gives me no eye contact when I ask her to do something. Esmerelda actually used to be my friend before Esther came along, but I think they have more in common with each other than with me with the age thing. And of course they both have husbands, which I do not. I sometimes think they resent me because I'm in a higher position than both of them and they're older than I am by about 10+ years. But hey, I put in my time here, I worked in this pit for almost 10 years and I've earned my title. They've been here 2 years and think they're hot shit. They have no clue, but I love it when they leave on vacations together. It's the only time I feel I can relax in the office and not have to watch my back or figure out why someone moved stuff around. (Funny example: I had a war with one of them, not sure which one, but in the kitchen there is a Keurig machine for coffee and I kept putting the cups on top of the machine and one them kept moving it on the left - exactly where the hot water tap was, which didn't make any sense to me at all. I guess it was really passive-aggressive of me to keep moving it back where I wanted it to be, but dammit, I'm the fucking queen bitch here, so deal with it!)

In any case, I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving :)

We Don't Need No Stinking Badges

The moments that I think I am so very amazing seem to be the moments when there is always someone being a thorn in my side as well. Example: to enter my office building security we need to have badges. To go to other offices we need to have photo badges. I called our tech department and they will not make my sattelite office any badges so I think to myself, I will make some on my own for the whole office. Do I have to? No. Should it be done? Yes. Is it my responsibility? No. But whatever, it's fun to do something different and I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I do. So I make the stinkin badges and everyone is grateful except for one guy, who instead of wearing it on his clip, decides to try to cram it into his overstuffed wallet. I say dude, what are you doing to my magnificent work? You need to wear that when our office travels to the other office in a few weeks. Please don't destroy it. He starts whining and complaining. I said that is not the proper response. What you should be doing is thanking me for taking the extra mile to make sure you are properly identified and security doesn't tackle you for being an outsider! He continues to cram... now I'm wondering if I can cram my foot up his ass.

I'm afraid this blog is going to turn into the place where all I do is complain because I am sooooo fired up once again. Ok so this is the story this week. As you may know, National Boss' Day was this week, and I had a staff meeting to ask the staff if they would like to participate in doing something as a group. I pre-empted the meeting with an email, letting staff know I was going to be asking them this question so they could be prepared with ideas. Immediately after sending the email out, one admin (I'll call her Esmerelda because she's such a witch), immediately sends me an email back letting me know that she will not participate as she has decided to buy a card for each of her bosses and that was it. Of course she's absolutely bitchy about it too, but in trying to stay with my new and improved attitude, I just reply with a "yes ma'am, thank you." Then Esmerelda takes the other admin (who I don't think has a mind of her own because she tends to adopt every single thought Esmerelda does) and they go for their smoke break (a very regular 10AM and 3PM strict regimen). We'll call admin number two Esther (because she's much older and that name works for me... lol). The minute Esmerelda and Esther come back from smoke break I get an email from Esther saying the same thing: I do not want to partipate, I will do my own thing. I think to myself, of course, monkey see, monkey do. I finally decide to reply to both of them saying, thanks for your input, but wait for the meeting like I asked and you can provide your point of view at that time. (I try not to roll my eyes while I am typing, they are so ridiculous).

So anyway, meeting time comes and the staff decide on a breakfast and I say ok, I'll go buy the food, etc. and you guys help serve and decorate. Maybe someone can do a poster or something saying thanks... Well no one does a damn thing until the very morning of the breakfast. At this point I've already set up the table, bought the food, brought in my own personal appliances, make the freakin poster and asked for volunteers to which NO ONE responded. What a bunch of fuckers. This office sucks ass. Then to top it off, all of a sudden Esther brandishes two homemade tarts, bacon and sausage! This from someone who didn't even WANT to do anything, but yet she just can't stand to let an opportunity to top me and anything that I do. Did she let me know she was bringing stuff? Of course not! Not to mention that Miss Wonderful just had a root canal the day before. So now everyone ooohs and ahhhs over HER accomplishments. I tell ya man, something stinks in Whoville.

The Art of Word

I know many people complain about software, and in particular, Miscrosoft software, but I have to tell you that I really like it. I am currently "checked back in" to my job and am giving it a good go to stay here. This could be due to the pending raise I may be getting soon, who knows, but I'm putting my best foot forward, dressing better and voluntarily - yes that's right! - voluntarily doing some extra things. One thing I am doing now is creating photo badges for the office. I'm telling you, LMS would have never let me have this much fun. I am using Word and Excel and I'm feeling pretty proud. It surely is a thankless job.

Company Incentives

It's mid-year review time. Always a joy for everyone. Things are so very backwards. First of all, it doesn't matter how well you do, if you have busted your ass all year round, the merit increases are already decided in the budget even BEFORE your review is done. You could have saved the earth from pending destruction and it wouldn't matter. You're only getting the standard cost of living wage increase, and that's if you are lucky. Isn't that nice?

I've been going on job interviews lately and one in particular really wants me, I already said no due to the fact that I would be working for this guy with what I call LMS or Little Man Syndrome. He was so small he barely came up to my armpit. He had the personality to go with it - you know the type - overcompensating and acting a big and puffy. Yes, he's important, we get it. My answer to work for him is still a resounding NO! He said he was "hands on". Oh boy, you know what that means. On one hand, promising me the moon, "you can run everything, it's your baby, you will be the face of the company" (do I look like an ego maniac? I don't want my face to be on ANY company. WTF? I am an office manager, a secretary, just give me work to do and I'll do it. So strange. After repeated calls to me to give them another chance, I stopped returning the calls. Crazy.

Then I went to my current boss and said dude, I can make this much and I am being pursued. What are you going to do about it to make me want to stay. I think a salary increase might be in order. I'll let you know :)

Fantasized Event Appearing Real = FEAR

There is a rampant mistrust in the office. We're going through one of those "cultural" changes where all the Big Wigs tell the Little Guy to reinvent the atmosphere (I assume that means it's so bad, they PhD's can't think of any solutions so pass it off to the "less than qualified" to find their own solutions). The problem is that the Little Guys are not empowered to make the changes necessary, so the every so commonly adopted "why bother" attitude is out of control. Why would anyone think that I would stick my neck out there, only the have it chopped off. Seriously, how dare I throw out the idea that I should get some monetary compensation for doing a good job. Here's a thought, label it a "bonus" and give it to me on a yearly basis. But that would mean less money in my boss' pocket when he gets his yearly bonus! We can't have that.

I'm not bitter OR cynical. My fears are very real. And I continue on, a slave to my paycheck, keeping my mouth shut and my neck where it belongs.

There's no biziness like "mind your own" bizness

I sit right outside my boss' office, not close to anyone, not bothering anything. Someone has actually complained to my boss that they do not like it when I file my nails. I'm totally flabbergasted. "Someone" has too much time on their hands if they are noticing when I file or not file. I don't think I will ever understand people. Especially people like that. I said to my boss "is my work productivity down?" "No", he says. I say "is there a problem with how I do my job for you?" "No" he says. I say "So then you told the person who complained about me filing my nails to go fuck themselves, right?" "Ahhhhh... just be careful of what you do" he says. I say "unless you have a problem with my job and how I do it, I will consider this conversation over". And I leave.

Something happened yesterday that infuriated me so much, I couldn't even write about it until I cooled off a bit. Man was I steamed. As a secretary, you must know that what is on my desk is mine. It's not for you to touch, or take and if I have to put my friggen name on it to keep it out of your hands, I will. Know what I mean? Don't touch my favorite pen, don't ask me for a stapler or tape. I'm not the supply closet. What's on my desk is MINE. I was brought up (or trained or whatever) to never go in someone's desk without their permission. My mom started that when I was young by teaching me that her purse was absolutely forbidden. Same with desks. So the day before I had taken the day off and someone called me in the afternoon to harass me for some paperwork. Thing is the paperwork isn't even her business, it's my job and I'll fucking do it. Got that? She said can I look on your desk for an invoice. I say no, I will take care of it tomorrow. So instead her manager decides to go through my desk, takes what she wants, and doesn't even leave a note. I come in the next day and start to panick, thinking I've lost stuff and then I realize - that fuckin bitch. She went into my desk and took my stuff! I'm furious. I go into my boss' office and I say "did you give so and so permission to take stuff from my desk". He gives me his cowardly look that he does when he knows I'm gonna lose it on him, and says meekly "no". So I tell him what happened, my lips are pressed together firmly and I give him this speech about how it's my desk and how dare they and there's gonna be a throw down. Long story short, I managed to get through my stiff lips to them in a polite way to never do that again. Ever. And as I give them a steely look and they apologize I know from now on I'll be locking my freaking drawers.

When "WE" means "ME"

Pet Peeve: When the boss says stuff like "why don't we buy a can opener for the office" what he really means is "why don't YOU buy a can opener for the office."

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Big Brother 8 Rant

Yes, it's true, I'm a Big Brother fan. I've been watching since season 3 and while I don't get into it as much as some of the internet fans do, I still have my moments where I have to say "What the Hell America!!!!".

First off, I'd like to tell CBS that this show is NOT the Donato show. No matter what you have listed on my cable information page. (Seriously, it says "Daniele Donato Dick Donato, Big Brother 8". HUH? That pisses me off. I hate those two. Last year it didn't say "Will and Boogie Chill Town Big Brother 7". I'm just saying. As for the Double D's, all I can say is Daniele is the biggest whiner I've ever heard and I can't stand her "It's soooooooooooo frustrating" and "You don't understand". Frankly, that's all she CAN say and while I don't like her father very much, I can see how hard he tries to communicate with her. She's a little bitch. I'm sorry for him. However, that is the only sympathy he gets from me because he is one abusive Mother Fucker. It's no wonder all the females in his life run away from him. Why would anyone stick around to take that kind of shit? I only wished Jess and Eric had the balls to evict one or the other in their last opportunity to backdoor someone this week. Too bad they are ball-less. Frankly if I see that whine-bot Daniele win this show, I will be truly disgusted. What a cheating lying little whore (my judgmental side is coming out). Did you see that YouTube post where she is getting Nick off under the covers? As if we all didn't know. So the girl can be quiet, she's obviously practiced hard at it so she could manage to do it on the show. Her poor boyfriend. I feel embarassed for him.

America, what the hell are you doing to Eric? I am so mad at America for first off trying to make Eric lose and then to align him with the D's. I wanted to control some power here, but as usual America just wants to destroy something. Just like American Idol when the web posts were trying to make the worst win. Ugh! Why bother to watch at all if that's your goal? I don't really get it, but whatever. Eric is doing amazingly well even if America is trying to screw him. He has jumped into being America's Player whole-heartedly and I commend him for that. It would be interesting to see him win.

WAAAAAAAAAAAmber and Jameka are too busy thumping bibles to notice they are being played. Did they come on the show to play or pray? That is confusing to me to see them praying and telling God over and over again how much they love him and they aren't holding anything against him when HE makes them lose. HA HA HA... Cults to the left please. If my eyes roll anymore they might roll right outa my head. LOL!

Basically, I left out Zach because.... there's nothing to say. I feel nothing. Hmmmmmm.

I guess to end this gripe session, my vote is for Jessica. I think she'll be the best winner. She seems smart. Let's see what else happens...

Hope you enjoy the show too! :)