Friday, November 9, 2007

Just Call me Fred.

Sometimes I have these visions and I don't know if I should be scared or amused, but mostly, right now, I'm amused. These visions are quite bloody and involve me slicing and dicing various female co-workers. It's quite Freddy Kruegger (sp?) of me, really. I'd love to have the long fingernail blades. That way, when they piss me off all I have to do is flick a finger in their general direction. Blood spurts, and I am satisfied and happy. Is this wrong? I don't care. I am sitting here flicking my middle finger and it feels so right.

Here's the current scenario: yesterday a new guy was out, it was his birthday and he turned 50. I guess it's a big deal. Personally, I wouldn't want attention drawn to the fact that I'm a half century old, but that's just me. Anyway, Esther and Esmerelda have taken it upon themselves to decorate his office with numerous black balloons - you can't even walk in there without kicking one, plus they went to the store together and Esther bought (and stubbornly refuses to be reimbursed for) a helium tank, which they spent sucking in and singing various musicals to while they worked. And yes, this was funny and I was amused. Other people walked by, like I did to stop and laugh a moment before going back to work. I only mention this so you don't think I'm just being a scrooge when I tell you this next part and the part that makes me want to start slicing like a cuisinart.

This morning as soon as this guy walks in and he's all like whoa and laughing, they both run in immediately to make sure that credit goes where credit is due. I hear them going on and on telling the story of how much fun they had blowing up balloons and who stopped by to help blow some up (of course the short list did not include my name) so that he could know exactly who did what. God they make me sick. Seriously. Isn't the whole part of doing a good deed is to just let that person enjoy it? Must that person really be subjected to all the trials and tribulations you had while preparing such a great event in their honor? To me, it rings of someone buying you jewelry and then telling you how much it cost. Tacky tacky tacky.

Oh and by the way, we celebrate birthdays by the month and November happens to have 5 people in it. I always order a cake and the whole staff takes 20-30 minutes to celebrate the month. Do you think these bitches even once thought about how their grandiose celebration for one person would make the others feel whose birthdays also fell in that month???

I hate them. I truly do.


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I've always been a quiet non-credit taker type of person, except when it's important and job related. Bragging about blowing up some balloons does nothing to further your career so why bother? In fact in my mind it may be detrimental to admit to wasting so much time on balloon blowing on the company dime.

People are weird. Slice away Fred.

the Secretary said...

Update to story: Esmerelda (who is said birthday boy's assistant) told me yesterday she was taking him to lunch. She left with him just now and lo and behold, Esther is going too. And no one else is invited? Guess not.


P.S. Lady, the boss here has no balls (Yes that would be MY boss) and he doesn't ever say anything about people fucking off or not being here. On one hand, it's nice to be able to do what you want, on the other hand it builds resentment in people like me who have a good work ethic. It makes me think of S&M - a pain that you enjoy. LOL!

The Guv'ner said...

I'm all for homicide being legal in the case of work places. (so long as I'm the uh...homidicer and not the homicidee)

Sanctimonious coworkers who like to take all the credit have no other lives. That's the only reason. It's the only glory they will ever have and they aim to take it. And they do. Me, I just sit back and sharpen my blades and plan which body part to pierce first. Theirs not mine.

Plus, it's MY birthday in November and I am offended they didn't buy ME any damn balloons. Of course, I'm not fifty but STILL.