There's no biziness like "mind your own" bizness

I sit right outside my boss' office, not close to anyone, not bothering anything. Someone has actually complained to my boss that they do not like it when I file my nails. I'm totally flabbergasted. "Someone" has too much time on their hands if they are noticing when I file or not file. I don't think I will ever understand people. Especially people like that. I said to my boss "is my work productivity down?" "No", he says. I say "is there a problem with how I do my job for you?" "No" he says. I say "So then you told the person who complained about me filing my nails to go fuck themselves, right?" "Ahhhhh... just be careful of what you do" he says. I say "unless you have a problem with my job and how I do it, I will consider this conversation over". And I leave.

Something happened yesterday that infuriated me so much, I couldn't even write about it until I cooled off a bit. Man was I steamed. As a secretary, you must know that what is on my desk is mine. It's not for you to touch, or take and if I have to put my friggen name on it to keep it out of your hands, I will. Know what I mean? Don't touch my favorite pen, don't ask me for a stapler or tape. I'm not the supply closet. What's on my desk is MINE. I was brought up (or trained or whatever) to never go in someone's desk without their permission. My mom started that when I was young by teaching me that her purse was absolutely forbidden. Same with desks. So the day before I had taken the day off and someone called me in the afternoon to harass me for some paperwork. Thing is the paperwork isn't even her business, it's my job and I'll fucking do it. Got that? She said can I look on your desk for an invoice. I say no, I will take care of it tomorrow. So instead her manager decides to go through my desk, takes what she wants, and doesn't even leave a note. I come in the next day and start to panick, thinking I've lost stuff and then I realize - that fuckin bitch. She went into my desk and took my stuff! I'm furious. I go into my boss' office and I say "did you give so and so permission to take stuff from my desk". He gives me his cowardly look that he does when he knows I'm gonna lose it on him, and says meekly "no". So I tell him what happened, my lips are pressed together firmly and I give him this speech about how it's my desk and how dare they and there's gonna be a throw down. Long story short, I managed to get through my stiff lips to them in a polite way to never do that again. Ever. And as I give them a steely look and they apologize I know from now on I'll be locking my freaking drawers.

When "WE" means "ME"

Pet Peeve: When the boss says stuff like "why don't we buy a can opener for the office" what he really means is "why don't YOU buy a can opener for the office."

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Big Brother 8 Rant

Yes, it's true, I'm a Big Brother fan. I've been watching since season 3 and while I don't get into it as much as some of the internet fans do, I still have my moments where I have to say "What the Hell America!!!!".

First off, I'd like to tell CBS that this show is NOT the Donato show. No matter what you have listed on my cable information page. (Seriously, it says "Daniele Donato Dick Donato, Big Brother 8". HUH? That pisses me off. I hate those two. Last year it didn't say "Will and Boogie Chill Town Big Brother 7". I'm just saying. As for the Double D's, all I can say is Daniele is the biggest whiner I've ever heard and I can't stand her "It's soooooooooooo frustrating" and "You don't understand". Frankly, that's all she CAN say and while I don't like her father very much, I can see how hard he tries to communicate with her. She's a little bitch. I'm sorry for him. However, that is the only sympathy he gets from me because he is one abusive Mother Fucker. It's no wonder all the females in his life run away from him. Why would anyone stick around to take that kind of shit? I only wished Jess and Eric had the balls to evict one or the other in their last opportunity to backdoor someone this week. Too bad they are ball-less. Frankly if I see that whine-bot Daniele win this show, I will be truly disgusted. What a cheating lying little whore (my judgmental side is coming out). Did you see that YouTube post where she is getting Nick off under the covers? As if we all didn't know. So the girl can be quiet, she's obviously practiced hard at it so she could manage to do it on the show. Her poor boyfriend. I feel embarassed for him.

America, what the hell are you doing to Eric? I am so mad at America for first off trying to make Eric lose and then to align him with the D's. I wanted to control some power here, but as usual America just wants to destroy something. Just like American Idol when the web posts were trying to make the worst win. Ugh! Why bother to watch at all if that's your goal? I don't really get it, but whatever. Eric is doing amazingly well even if America is trying to screw him. He has jumped into being America's Player whole-heartedly and I commend him for that. It would be interesting to see him win.

WAAAAAAAAAAAmber and Jameka are too busy thumping bibles to notice they are being played. Did they come on the show to play or pray? That is confusing to me to see them praying and telling God over and over again how much they love him and they aren't holding anything against him when HE makes them lose. HA HA HA... Cults to the left please. If my eyes roll anymore they might roll right outa my head. LOL!

Basically, I left out Zach because.... there's nothing to say. I feel nothing. Hmmmmmm.

I guess to end this gripe session, my vote is for Jessica. I think she'll be the best winner. She seems smart. Let's see what else happens...

Hope you enjoy the show too! :)

She Said, She Said

I know men that gossip, but women are the worst. Especially in an office. Seems like you can tell someone a secret one minute and the next minute you're hearing the same secret from someone else, only this time in a negative tone. This is driving me crazy. I've decided to turn this around to work in my favor. From now on if I want someone to know something that I can't really talk about, I'm gonna tell this one girl who can't keep her mouth shut. Then I'll know for sure the information will get out. I'd really like to make something up that is totally ridiculous to see how far it gets. But it would also have to be something that someone is comfortable sharing with me. Another office game. How fun!

Seriously tho, if you find yourself in a situation like this, deny deny deny. You don't know about it, you never heard about it, no one has discussed it with you. Period. Lie your ass off. No one can prove a thing.

It's almost 5pm. Thank God. If I have to take one more minute... oh yeah, I applied for more jobs today. So here's my admin tip of the day: If you can waste time looking for a new job at a current job that you hate, do it.

Penis Envy? I Think Not.

My boss (I like to refer to him as PHB - Pointy Headed Boss from Dilbert) goes past my desk, mostly like towards the bathroom. Another guy walks up and says where is PHB, I gesture with my chin "thataway". So he saunters off in that direction and my mind starts to wander.... is he actually going to track down PHB in the men's room? And if so, how do you maintain your dignity while holding your pecker urinating in front of an employee. Come to think of it, what if you catch your boss urinating and you realize yours is bigger. Seriously. What if. And now come to think of it, I think it's pretty freakin gross to see any of my coworkers going to the bathroom and I find myself all of sudden struck mad at the thought of anyone having to use a urinal at all. Thank God I am a woman.

Coffee Talk

Girl that I pretend to like, but really am hating more every day: "Oh My God how you are putting 3 creams in your coffee? Wow!"

Me: "Ummmm... yeah" [thinking what the F is it to you]

Her: "And how many sugars is that?"

Me: "6"

Her" "oh my god"

Me: (as I pour 3 sugar packets onto a teaspoon, feeling as tho I have to justify myself...) "See it's just 2 teaspoon full. Not that much really" And as she turns to do some dishes at the sink, I give her back a pointed look with raised eyebrow and say "I need all the sweetness I can get" [my eyes are sharp knives and I give my i'm-gonna-fuck-you-up-bitch look]

She turns and I smile sweetly and leave.

It's going to be a good morning.

Secretary Blogs

I went scouting to see who else had the same type of idea that I did. I'm thinking that we all do it to waste time at work. To bring some kind of some ounce of joy into our grueling servitude to daily life. Here's some other whiners just like me:

http://psychoticsecretary.blogspot.com/

http://angrysecretary.wordpress.com/

http://strugglingsecretary.blogspot.com/

http://overqualifiedsecretary.wordpress.com/

http://journals.aol.com/ressydm/TheSecretaryDiaries

http://thelifeofasecretary.blogspot.com/

http://lazysecretary.blogspot.com/

I'm Givin 'Er All She's Got Cap'in

Ever want to know why some bosses think that their secretary is a miracle worker even when the rest of the staff knows she's full of shit? This is a total trade secret, so be sure to keep it to yourself. This is what I call the "Scotty Syndrome". You know, Star Trek, Mr. Scott, the ship's engineer always says the ship can't take any more, he's doing everything he can, yada yada, and yet, he always manages to pull a last minute miracle out of his ass and save the day (or the ship, as the case may be). Apply this to your job. The boss says "I need you to do this job" and you are like "oh wow, that doesn't seem possible, but of course I'll do what I can." I can't stress how important it is to make sure he knows that this is a really hard task, I mean practically impossible, but that you're gonna "give it all you've got", etc. At the end of the day, you pull it off (of course you did, you're amazing, hellooooooo!!!) and you're boss thinks you're the bomb. Mission accomplished. You are now indisposable and those back-stabbing bitches at the bottom feeders pool can gossip all they want. Don't say I didn't teach you anything.

Secret Secretary Society

Today is the day. I'm starting a Secret Secretary Society ("SSS"). Calling all secretaries (or if you must be PC, Administrative Assistants). Tell me about your boss, your co-workers, your machines that never work, the coffee you have to fetch for visitors or anything that just irks you about being an assistant.

We all have so much to say...